Why is it that after every workout or every time after I shower the weather becomes really nice? It rains for such a long period and then its so pretty and sunny. Really?

I’ve been eating like every hour even though I’m not hungry….but it’s super clean eating so thats okay right? ;3

10am(356)- apple oatmeal brownie 1/2 cup greek yogurt

11am(233)- 1/2 cup granola 2/3 cup greek yogurt

1:10~pm(217)- 1 cup quinoa and beans 1 egg

insanity

3:48PM- 1/2 cup frozen berries 1 cup greek yogurt

ab machine 100lbx12 105lbx5 dipsx8
60 minutes on elliptical distance 6.49
squat 155lb 10, 8, 8 bench press 95lbx5

WEIGHT TRAINING(AM):

bench press 95lb 6, 4, 3
bent over rows 45lb 10, 10, 10
bicep curls 45lb bar x 5
dips 3x3
incline press 80lb 3, 3

GYM(PM):

5 minutes @ 6.7mph
Parallel squat 135lbx12 165lb 8, 5, 3
5 dips
5 minutes on step mill @ level 5, 6-7
ab crunch machine 95lbx12 
side crunch 25lb 15, 15
5 minutes ran/jog/walk treadmill (incline only for 30 seconds..)
leg press 190lb 8, 8 170lbx10
8 dips
31 minutes on elliptical heart rate @ 150-160

After not weight training for a week my arms feel so weak. My legs are still strong. >:} But they’re still gross. It looks bulky when I squat. My thighs are gigantic.

weight training:
bench press 95 lb 8, 5, 5, 5
dips 4, 4
bent over rows 45lb bar 10, 5
incline press 80lbx5

track practice (~2 miles):
forest loop warm up, agilities, lower perimeter~ 1 mile
4 100m strides
200mx3 100mx3 (full speed)
2 lap cool down too slow

gym:
squat 155lb 8, 8, 8 165lbx1
leg press 190lb 10, 10
dips 8, 6, 4
wide-grip lat pull-downs 70lb 10, 8, 8 60lb 8(close grip)
seated cable rows 40lb 8, 8?, 5?

food: (1,531)

breakfast: medium apple(95) 1 cup cheerios(110) 1 1/2 cups fat free milk(120)
snack: 1/2 PB&J(185)
lunch: 1/2 PB&J(185) chocolate chip peanut crunch(240)
dinner: 1/2 cup greek yogurt w/1/2 small mango(138) 7 oz. wild salmon pan fried(312) microwaved snow peas(26)
post workout snack: 1 1/2 cups fat free milk(120)

I felt accomplished today during the short workout. Even though I didn’t really go full speed on the first 200m I was able to stay the same pace as Kenzie. Then on the last 200m I started after Karen and Melissa and I passed them in like the last 75-50 meters ;P yayyy. lol. It felt really great because my legs just went fast without me really thinking. The weather was horrible, it was freezing cold, raining/hailing, and of course it stopped almost right after everyone was done running. I went way too slow during the cool down. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But I didn’t end up last during the warm up at least. Kept paaaccee. Squatting 155lb was easier than I thought since I haven’t done so in a while. After track ends I want to go on a pretty strict low carb diet.

Mother told me I looked good today and that she doesn’t think I need to lose weight despite the fact that she once told me she doesn’t want me to be over 120 pounds. I told her I’m still above 120 pounds (barely, & I will be under it very soon! :}), and she told me it’s okay I’m tall. Hah, I love this. I love the power of muscle weighing more than fat! But I’m still fat. Because my thighs are pretty damn huge and darn gigantic… I have thunder thighs, they’re HUGE and muscular. 

I must become skinny. For myself. TO feel confident. Skinny enough so that my annoying little cousin will stop bugging me about how fat I am. SHIT LEAVE ME ALONE. I just want her to leave me alone. She comments on my fat a lot and today she pointed out how huge my thighs are. Which I already knew and will change. I run like every fucking day.

OMGSH. I resisted pizza today. PIZZA HUT PIZZA ;{ And it’s all gone now too. I’m pretty proud of myself… Sigh I hope I don’t mess up this weekend like every other weekend. I must have control. I controlled myself today, I shall tomorrow and every other day. I can. I stopped eating after eating some pistachios and I also controlled myself while eating that too! I didn’t measure it but I tried to keep the portion under control. Whew. I was scared I was going to binge too.. 

Pain is only temporary. It really is, it doesn’t last long at all. Wednesday’s race, I was ahead of this girl for the entire race until the end she gradually sped up and we end up tied. :{ I was stupid and stopped a little bit for the third lap because I thought it was over. Ahhh. At least I got a PR I guess. But my time is still pretty bad. I want to be able to say I can run a 6 minute mile. Sosoos bad. I hope I can. 1500m - 7:44

Today (Friday, 4/20): I got a whole lot weaker at bench press. I used to be able to bench 95 pounds 8 times without struggle and today I struggled to do so only 5 times. :{ Sad day. And my goal 1RM is 125 pounds before school ends … I really need to step it up and start benching more & often.. I’ve beeen slacking.

Bench Press 95lb 5, 5, 5
Bent Over Rows 45lb 5 55lb 5, 5
Incline Press 70lb 5, 5

Yesterday (Thursday, 4/19): Sweaarrr people always watch me squat. It’s like they don’t think I can do it or something. :{ But I never do see any girl squat much.

Squat 155lb 8, 8, 8 *** :}
Dips -50 lb 8, 8, 8. 10

Monday was a pretty darn good workout for me. I kept up to pace with others during the warm up and cool down. I actually thought they were going a bit too slow during the warm up, yepo fat to burn. I did 800m x 5 I felt like I could’ve done another… but  I didn’t. My first time was 3:48 second time was around there too 3:52?. I don’t know about the rest.

Tuesdayyy today I’m sore from yesterday! My back was pretty sore when I woke up today ! YAYYY I can do dips with only -50 my weight now. I can actually now do 1-3 regular dips! :)

RACE TOMORROW! I really hope I can beat this girl from the other school………….. I BELIEVEEEEEEE. Just gotta push it. I hope I’ll have enough energy!! :) :3

those sour sugary candies yumm… peach ring omgad. i haven’t had those in forever. but i resisted i’ve been doing so good since monday through thursday. please don’t mess up this weekend. don’t mess up your clean diet. eat in moderation if anything. i don’t want myself to binge. 1 cheat meal?

I always have the mentality of blaming my fat on everything but it’s not just that. I need to learn how to push myself. I neeeed to, I can’t even keep up pace for one lap. Shit. I’m so out of shape. Days like this, I know why I like track practice. But I tend to make it easy for myself. I would start off fast/at pace with the group then I’d slow down all the way to a granny jogging pace.. It’s a horrible habit.

Morning:
Front squats 70lbx8
Bent over rows 45lbx8-10
Push press 45lbx8
Bench press 85lbx8 95lbx6

Night:
Dips -50lb 8, 8
Squats 135lbx8 155lb 8, 8, 6
Lunges 45lbx8
Bench press 95lbx4
Side crunches 25lb 12, 8
Back machine 110lbx8 90lbx8
Crunch twisters 20lbx30-40
Leg 170lb 8, 8